"Have I Counted the Cost?"

I have given much thought to temporal needs recently. Not in regards to myself, but the unavoidable relation it has with missionary work. As missionaries interact with those of diverse backgrounds on a daily basis, we are bound to run into people of both sides of the spectrum-- in excess or lack of those needs.

Maybe I can explain this better by two examples.

As I was writing this, we went to the church to teach a lesson. Unfortunately, our friend didn't arrive; so we returned about 20 minutes later.

We walk up the street and I see a man somewhat familiar; he recognized us too.

"I know you, don't I?" I asked.

"Yes, I had met with those three girls a while back," he replied. He went on to explain that he had a personal confirmation about the words that they had shared to him, a testimony, but he couldn't focus it at that time because he was out of work. Struggling to put food on the table.

"I really would like to be apart of what you are, but this is my first priority," he explained.

In his eyes, the cost of discipleship was too high. Maybe it was, at this time. So he decided he would wait until he was more stable to pursue it further. His decision.

Now, we go back to about two weeks ago. Elder Bonney had just arrived, and we ran into a multi-company owner with a number of locations across the world. He had outstanding English.

"Thank you guys, but I'm agnostic," and continued to explain that he felt his life was complete with just this understanding and the success of his life.

For him, the cost of discipleship was too high, because his heart was filled of other things.

I don't know if my point came across the right way, but this is something I have begun to realize this transfer. What are we really asking people to do?

Change. They are going to change. Both the "rich man" and the "poor man" are sacrificing something. The poor man may be sacrificing working on Sundays, despite that he's really trying to save as much as possible. The rich man may be sacrificing social connections or, as some members across have experienced, full unemployment. This results in a course adjustment in their careers.

When I share my thoughts on this, it's not to compare one side with the other, or to say which sacrifice is greater. It is the simple fact that discipleship costs something. It looks different for everyone.

I nearly despair at the trials of those here. It aches me to the bone.

A few weeks back a man came to us for, what we thought to be, a lesson. We three Elders sat in a circle with this man who sat in solemn silence until he gazed up at us.

"What am I supposed to do?" Tears came from his eyes. "I have nothing here."

Our hearts ached as we expressed that we can't give him money, but we could offer him a way of life through Christ to find joy, even in the hardest times.

"I don't want money-- I don't want that from you." His eyes sloped down to the ground again. "I want to take care of my family. And I can't go home-- if I go back, they will kill me. I can't go back there."

We offered the comfort of smiling faces at church every Sunday, and again the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the meeting concluded after we shared a few words, that I hope left him with some peace.

This whole concept is something I'm still grasping, so maybe I'll come back to it another time.

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Right about when Elder Bonney arrived, I was given the phone number of a member I did not know about and was told she was in the hospital. The next day, we went there with the Lambs.

We entered the hospital, the one I had been to a year prior, and found our way to the intensive care unit.

We stepped into a long room with 10 or so beds, separated by curtains. Thankfully, the member's daughter was there to guide us. We walked only a few short steps before we saw a small and clearly weakened woman.

"Hi, Mom," I assume is what her daughter said as we all entered the curtained area. The lady looked up from her chair, and looked at us like we were ghosts.

The last time she had seen another member was 4 years ago. She was so happy to see us, yet we could feel her weakness from the other side of the room. I got to one knee to speak to her.

She spoke with a whisper, saying, "After I woke up, I saw too many stars. Too many. I asked the doctor to look at the camera footage. I really saw them." Elder Bonney got to one knee to speak to her. She had many medical things piled up and the complications seem to have hit her all at once. "I'm not afraid to die. I just... want the pain to go away."

"I'm not sure what the stars were, but I know God is watching out for you," Elder Bonney said as she nodded. He continued to speak to her about it and you could see how much it mattered to her. I fought tears.

We gave her a blessing upon request, and she cried. Sister Lamb, one of the senior missionaries with us, took her in embrace. We stayed a few moments longer, arranged a time to visit her when she would be released, and left a little before visiting hours concluded.

These are the moments that live with you. And it has you question, "Where is the relief? Where is hope?"

When you are in the pit of despair, all you have to do is look up; there is the light.

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Elvira is a friend we've been teaching for a while. She has been coming regularly to church and during my first interactions with her she told me she would come as often as she could. A number of her family members back home were already members but she wasn't terribly familiar with it.

A few weeks later, just as church meetings end, I caught some insight when I heard the Relief Society President ask Elvira, "Were you talking about getting baptized during second hour today?"

She shied away a little, like a kid with a proud drawing. "Yes..."

"Well that's wonderful!"

She is to be baptized soon, but she expressed to me the other day she was not ready. So we had a lesson after church. We talked about some things she is going through, and this is when we learned her cost of discipleship.

"This is what I have chosen. I want to be with my family. This is what I want and I know what I need to do to be together with them." I wonder if she recognized the power in her words. I don't know, but I do know the spirit was there. It was there so strongly.

She weighed the cost. It was worth it for her. What an example.

"Where's a pool? Lets go do this!" I wanted to say.

Elder Jeffery R Holland said:

"This speaks of the crosses we bear rather than the ones we wear. To be a follower of Jesus Christ, one must sometimes carry a burden—your own or someone else’s—and go where sacrifice is required and suffering is inevitable. A true Christian cannot follow the Master only in those matters with which he or she agrees. No. We follow Him everywhere, including, if necessary, into arenas filled with tears and trouble, where sometimes we may stand very much alone.

"I know people, in and out of the Church, who are following Christ just that faithfully. I know children with severe physical disabilities, and I know the parents who care for them. I see all of them working sometimes to the point of total exhaustion, seeking strength, safety, and a few moments of joy that come no other way. I know many single adults who yearn for and deserve a loving companion, a wonderful marriage, and a home full of children of their own. No desire could be more righteous, but year after year such good fortune does not yet come. I know those who are fighting mental illness of many kinds, who plead for help as they pray and pine and claw for the promised land of emotional stability. I know those who live with debilitating poverty but, defying despair, ask only for the chance to make better lives for their loved ones and others in need around them. I know many who wrestle with wrenching matters of identity, gender, and sexuality. I weep for them, and I weep with them, knowing how significant the consequences of their decisions will be.

"These are just a few of so many trying circumstances we may face in life, solemn reminders that there is a cost to discipleship. To Araunah, who attempted to give him free oxen and free wood for his burnt offering, King David said, 'Nay; but I will surely buy it of thee at a price: … [for I] will [not] offer … unto the Lord my God … that which doth cost me nothing.' So too say we all."


What reward do we get for this cost? We don't have all night to answer that question, but I will leave with a word.

Peace. "Not as the world giveth" but, true peace. I can't describe it to you. You'll just have to come and see for yourself.

I admire one of the members here, Chris, for this. He has hard times as we all do. And yet he is one of the brightest lights of Christ in Cyprus. I admire his diligence to not only help the missionaries but to find joy in his life. He has told us countless times that there are three things he can find joy in: his work, his home, and the Gospel. And it is all thanks to God for what he has. Even if he has, according to some people, little temporal or material things, he is one of the richest in Cyprus. The light in his eyes is indisputable.

I can testify that I might not know what the cost of discipleship is for you but I will tell you this; once you can afford it, it will be forever worth it for you. Yeah the hard times will come but come talk to me so we we can have a respective conversation about how keeping your covenants with God has led you to be the person you need to be today.

Sorry if this email has been so solemn. It's quite ironic actually since Elder Bonney and I, especially after 9pm, laugh so much. We are staying busy down here in more ways than I thought imaginable. Elder Bonney has been experimenting with cooking and it's been honestly a pleasure to see him work towards that. Some good food on the side has also been a bonus.

We had my friend David who was baptized at the beginning of this year help with a lesson. It was a huge blessing and a lot of fun! I've missed him. It's remarkable to see how much he has grown in the gospel. "You're a better missionary than me!" I said. He laughed.

I look forward to reflecting at the conclusion of my mission. I'm already seeing the blessings that have rolled forth in my own life, and as well as those around me, so I look forward to more.

Have a blessed week everyone and I hope you are doing well! The weather here is supposed to get a lot hotter, so I guess best of luck wherever you are!

Elder Dylan Hansen